I Don't Like My Engagement Ring! Here's What To Do
Photography by Hayley Savage PhotographyNewly engaged? Congratulations! You’re entering such an exciting time in your life and have so much fun ahead of you. But if you’re feeling a little deflated because your ring isn’t that dream diamond you’ve always pictured, it can be a difficult time. As soon as someone has proposed, the next thing everyone will ask is, “Let’s see the ring!” People will be expecting engagement ring selfies and if you don’t instantly fall in love with your engagement ring, it can be tiring to feign excitement when your heart sinks every time you take a look down.
Obviously, the reason you’re saying, “YES!” to your partner isn’t because of a ring. It’s because you see them as your life partner, the one you’ll grow old with. However, even though it might seem a small detail in the grand scheme of things, not loving your engagement ring is an issue worth addressing. It’s totally okay to ask for something different and not liking your engagement ring is really common. You will be the one having to look at it all day, every day, for the rest of your life, so it’s only right you get a say in things! Here’s exactly what to do if you don’t like your engagement ring…
Don't like your engagement ring? Here's what to do - 10 easy steps!
1. Live with it for a while and get used to it
Harsh, but true. Sometimes, the initial shock of wearing an engagement ring is strange and it might take you a minute to adjust to having this new piece of jewellery on your finger all the time. Give yourself time to let everything settle in. Get some fresh engagement nails and test out a few pictures. You might realise you love it!
2. Don't post the ring
If you’ve waited a few days and you still don’t love it, don’t post your engagement ring on social media. If you’re already feeling a little deflated about your partner’s ring choice, you don’t need to open up your thoughts to people’s opinions on the internet. It’s brutal out there! That engagement ring selfie can wait until you’re more settled in your decision.
3. Ask your BFF or mum what to do
Maybe you’re jumping the gun and judging too quickly because you've always had something specific in mind. Always wanted a dreamy white gold diamond oval solitaire engagement ring? Well, your beau had a sapphire emerald cut trinity stone platinum ring in mind. Call someone you know will be honest and also has your best intentions at heart for a chat and let them know how you’re feeling. Just getting it off your chest might really help!
4. Don’t compare your ring to others
In a social media world, maybe you’re feeling a little embarrassed or insecure about your ring. We promise you, we’re not judging! We can’t all be Molly-Mae Hague with a diamond the size of a fist on our fingers. It’s less about the ring and more about celebrating the next step in your relationship. Your ring is yours and totally unique to you.
5. Wait for the wedding band
Our next tip is to imagine the wedding band you might like. Your engagement ring could look 10 times more stunning with the right wedding band to pair with it. Obviously, your wedding band is something you choose yourself so consider a few different pairings.
6. Put out the feelers
Drop hints about getting the ring resized or changed and see how your partner reacts. They might be super chill about the whole thing! They want you to be happy at the end of the day. At the same time, this might open up a deeper conversation about your engagement ring. Be open and honest but gentle in your delivery about how you feel. Your partner chose this ring for you, so be careful with your words.
7. Change your engagement ring or wait for an upgrade
It’s decision time. You need to discuss with your partner whether you’d like to change the ring. This could be as simple as re-sizing the ring, perhaps it just doesn’t sit quite right, or changing the stone (just because you like astrology doesn’t mean you want your birthstone on your engagement ring). Let your partner know either way. Another option is to suggest an upgrade on your 1st wedding anniversary. This is super popular and happens all the time. Just look at Victoria Beckham’s 15 engagement rings for proof!
8. Try to compromise
It’s important to not hurt your partner’s feelings in this process. Try to keep elements they chose specifically for you. If they chose an emerald to match the colour of your eyes, when all along you’ve wanted a clear diamond, consider re-setting the stone. Perhaps a trinity stone could work? Try re-sizing or changing stones, too!
9. Return or exchange
Here comes the hard part. It’s return time! If the ring you’re choosing or changing is going to cost considerably more than what your partner spent on you, consider offering to pay the difference. However, ensure you deliver this in a way that isn’t condescending or mean.
If your ring is store-bought, they’re normally easy enough to return or exchange.
Did you get a custom engagement ring? Lucky you! These rings often can’t be changed or returned, so your only option is to sell it or wear it as a different ring but not your ‘engagement ring’. A word of advice to anyone thinking of proposing with a custom ring - try and get the bride’s (or at least someone very close to her) approval before you purchase anything. In the meantime, propose with a ‘token ring’ that you’ll swap out with the custom ring!
Received an inherited or heirloom engagement ring? That’s a little trickier to navigate. If your partner has given you his grandmother’s engagement ring or something similar, try to explain how you feel a little pressured at the thought of looking after a family ring, or you'd like a ring of your own that symbolises your love story rather than someone else's. Perhaps you can keep the family ring to wear on special occasions or accept another piece of heirloom jewellery that's more your style, but have your own engagement ring for everyday wear. If not, suggest adding an element to the ring that reflects your style more. Keep the band but swap out the stones or vice versa.
10. Enjoy the engagement bubble
It doesn’t do well to dwell! Make the decision swiftly on whether you’re keeping, changing or returning the ring and then stay happy and loved up in that engagement bubble! At the end of the day, as much as this seems like a big deal, the more important thing is the person at the other end of the ring!
The most important thing to remember is that you’re marrying the person, not the ring
If you don’t like your engagement ring, we hope we’ve helped you overcome or navigate those feelings a bit better. Try to remember that you're getting married to the person, not the ring. Hopefully, you’ll either realise you love the engagement ring or your partner is completely fine with the changes you want to make. If not, reconsider your motives, and be honest with yourself about whether you're ready for marriage. Perhaps, this dislike is pointing to something deeper. To help prevent any of this, take a look at our engagement ring size guide for help on sneakily ensuring a perfect fit. Ever wondered what’s the right amount to spend on an engagement ring? We’ve got all the answers.
