Marriage Proposal Traditions: Wedding Traditions Through Time

Ah, marriage proposal traditions… It's one of life's grand gestures. Whether it's a simple "Will you marry me?" over candlelight or a full-blown viral Mamma Mia flash mob, the act of asking for someone’s hand in marriage has seen quite a transformation over the centuries. From ancient rituals to diamond ring traditions, we keep wondering how did we go from there to here? Why do men get on one knee to propose? And who decided diamonds were a girl’s best friend? Whether you’re planning to pop the question or just curious, let’s take a stroll through the quirky history of proposals. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t always about the romance… 

Also, stay tuned because looking at the history of proposals actually sheds some light on how proposals will continue to evolve in the future, so we’ll reveal all our predictions at the end of the article.

Marriage proposal traditions - how marriage proposals have changed and evolved through time 

What is the history of marriage proposal traditions? 

How did proposals start? Well, there isn’t really a specific moment in time when proposals suddenly became a thing but rather they evolved from arranged marriages. In the past, most marriages were arranged by parents, and this is still common now in some cultures. Marriages were seen more as an ‘offer’ than a ‘proposal’. 

Any marriage was to be agreed between the parents of both families and the groom. The bride and groom would only meet to agree to the marriage with chaperones present and then were not allowed to be left alone until the wedding ceremony. Eventually, proposals became less of a business transaction as love matches became more desired for a fulfilling and long-lasting marriage. This led to the grooms taking over the decision-making and seeking out their own bride to propose to, which in turn led to courting. 

The idea of a woman proposing to a man had been seen as so outrageous that it only became legal in 1288 and only on February 29th, which occurs every four years. Thankfully, ladies, you aren’t just limited to one day every four years to propose (we have evolved as a society somewhat) but leap year proposals are still popular. If you are intrigued about leap year proposals you can find out more in our article.

Why do men get down on one knee to propose? 

In line with the shift of proposals becoming more of a romantic gesture and less of a formal business transaction between parents, grooms began to get down on one knee to propose. Believed to come from medieval times where knights receiving honours and certain religious rites would require you to bend the knee, proposing on one knee is about showing admiration and respect to your partner. Kneeling is a vulnerable physical position that is supposed to symbolise willingness and commitment to the partner. 

Besides this, getting down on one knee also became an easy and obvious way to show a proposal in silent movies where the gesture was heavily relied upon to convey meaning. Kneeling also shows off the engagement ring and draws attention to the fact that something is being offered, exchanged and accepted. It’s all very symbolic!  

Why do you propose with an engagement ring? 

While some kind of offer has always been necessary for a proposal, a ring wasn’t always used. So why do you propose with an engagement ring? The tradition of the engagement ring can be traced back to Ancient Rome where ivory, copper, iron or bone ‘betrothal rings’ were given as a financial investment to initially uphold the groom’s intention to go through with marriage. However, there is also more of a romantic reason behind these betrothal rings. A ring, having no beginning or end, has become the symbol of enduring commitment and everlasting love. 

The age-old tradition of offering an engagement ring has roots in Judaism dating as far back as the Hebrew Bible. For most of Western history, a simple gold band was seen as a stylish enough design to get the point across. The first actual record of a diamond engagement ring wasn’t seen until 1477. Archduke Maximilian of Austria proposed with a ring that had the letter ‘M’ spelt out in shards of diamonds. Seems like he was the ultimate trendsetter and your initial necklaces are, in fact, not very original but still very cute. 

However, besides for the very wealthy, having a diamond engagement ring wasn’t essential or all that affordable, especially in the post-war economy, until 1947 when De Beers famously launched their ‘A diamond is forever’ marketing campaign. This iconic slogan marketed diamond engagement rings as the ultimate token of everlasting love being that the diamond in the ring will literally last forever. This was also consolidated by the song, ‘Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend’ by Carol Channing in 1949. 

Since then, over 70 years later, we’ve already seen an evolution in engagement rings with the rise of men’s engagement rings and more alternative engagement rings being sought after including coloured gemstones and more! 

Why do we ask, “Will you marry me?”

Actually asking the question, “Will you marry me?” is a recent development in the history of proposals. As we mentioned, proposals were more of a business transaction and an offer more than a question. The bride herself wouldn’t really get the chance to decline any offers of marriage as it was usually totally at the discretion of her parents. Asking this question now is liberating in giving a choice to the bride to accept or decline a proposal. 

That being said, getting permission to propose is generally often still sought in many cultures. However, this is less about permission and ‘giving away’ the bride as property, and more as a sign of respect, love and support between the bride’s family and the groom. 

Looking at the history and origin of engagement rings and proposals 

So as we mentioned, the history of proposals is actually very telling in how we think proposals will continue to change. Our prediction is that we’ll see an increase of collaborative proposals and engagements. Couples will share the journey of engagement together as more jewellery stores offer bespoke engagement rings that customise them to reflect the couple’s journey. Plus, with the vast content and inspiration out there, most brides have already picked out their engagement ring somewhere on Pinterest and men are also looking for their own proposal offering as the equality between men and women becomes more evenly matched. 

Thinking about popping the question? Take a look at our best proposal speech ideas to guarantee that resounding “Yes!”. Want to buy a ring but not sure where to start? Take a look at our advice on how much you should spend on an engagement ring to get going.