Who Pays For The Wedding - Should You Be Contributing?

Money, money, money…Who pays for what at a wedding is one of our most frequently asked questions. What are the traditions around who pays for what at weddings? Should the bridesmaids buy their own dresses? Is it rude to even ask your respective families to contribute to your wedding? The lines around this are blurred with how much modern capabilities have warped traditions. Today, there is no official ruling regarding who pays for what. In this article, we’ll discuss traditional and modern budget planning, why these traditions seem a little outdated and the traditions from different countries and cultures.  

Who traditionally pays for different parts of a wedding?

Traditional Wedding Budget Split

In UK culture, the tradition states that most of the wedding should be paid for by the bride’s family but the groom’s family usually has a few costs of their own involved too, especially for the honeymoon! This is because back in the day, the bride’s family traditionally paid a dowry to the groom’s family for the wedding to take place. A dowry could be actual money or property although this was stopped in the 1800s when coverture was repealed. This meant that a woman's property was either retained by her after marriage or became split equally between her and her husband. Laws were put in place and dowries were made officially illegal in the UK in 1961. 

What the bride’s family pays for: 

• The wedding dress and any accessories that come with it
• Bridesmaids’ dresses and accessories (Nowadays, more and more bridesmaids pay for their own attire)
• Any accompanying outfits for the bride (e.g. reception dress, honeymoon outfits)
• Hair and makeup (along with other beauty treatments)
• Transportation to the ceremony for the bridal party
• Transportation to the reception venue for the bride and groom
• Photography and/or videography
• Flowers
• Venue and decorations
• Wedding cake
• Catering
• Wedding favours
• Drinks
• Entertainment
• Wedding stationery
• The groom’s wedding ring
• Engagement party
• Wedding insurance
• Overnight accommodation for close family
• Presents for the groom’s family

What the groom’s family pays for: 

• The groom’s outfit
• The best man’s suit and ushers’ outfits (As with the bridesmaids, these now tend to be bought by the groomsmen themselves)
• The groom’s honeymoon outfit
• Transportation to the ceremony for the groom and best man
• Transportation for the bride and groom from the reception venue
• Buttonholes for all the groomsmen
• Civil, church or religious ceremony fees
• Registration office and other venue fees
• Passports and visas for the honeymoon
• Travel and accommodation for the honeymoon
• Spending money for the honeymoon
• Travel insurance for the honeymoon
• Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
• Presents for the bridesmaids, ushers and best man
• Presents for the bride’s parents
• Wedding night hotel fees (if separate from venue)

Modern Wedding Budget Split

Thankfully for the bride’s family, these traditions are not as common as they once were. In fact, it’s now the norm for the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding and everything that comes along with it. There are a few reasons for this, but the main one being that most couples now get married later in life. This means that couples already live together (so don’t need to save their money to start their new life together) and have well-established careers with secure finances so they can afford their own wedding. 

Plus, since marriage is supposed to represent the start of a new life together as a couple, most people want to seek independence from their respective families and wouldn’t want to rely on finances from their families. 

Couples that are going into their second (or more) wedding, are more likely to pay for their own wedding too, especially if their parents had contributed to their first wedding already. 

With the vast options available to couples who are planning their wedding, it’s common for couples to have more of a specific vision for their wedding. Back in the 19th century, the parents of the bride’s family would plan the wedding, which makes sense as to why they’d be the ones footing the bill. Nowadays, couples want their wedding days to reflect their own personalities and will have priorities of what they want to splash on or save on, which may encourage them to pay for their own wedding day. 

Another reason why these ‘traditions’ aren’t so popular anymore, is because gay marriage has since been legalised and these heteronormative traditions simply don’t apply to those couples. 

In modern times, couples and families often collaborate on planning and budgeting, and may even crowd-fund the wedding. For example, couples may include a honeymoon fund in their registry for guests to contribute to as an alternative to wedding gifts. When approaching the wedding budget never assume your parents will be paying for certain things and don’t ask unless they offer. Some parents may wish to surprise you by paying for an element of the wedding as their gift to you. 

Who pays for the wedding in different countries and cultures? 

In America, the UK, and most Western countries, the bride’s family pays for the majority of the wedding. 

In Chinese culture, the groom’s family pays for the majority of the wedding. 

In Muslim culture, the groom’s family pays for any and all expenses relating to the wedding. 

In Central Asia and some African countries, there’s a tradition called the bride price. This is where the groom offers a sum to the bride’s family, which is indicative of her worth. The worth of the bride is measured differently in different cultures but it’s thought that beauty, education, intelligence and the station of the bride’s family determine this. The bride price could be cash, livestock, property and more. A more modern take on this tradition is that the bride price is paid directly to the bride rather than her family. 

The important thing to note is that most of these traditions from around the world also have very specific rules just as the UK traditions do. For example, the groom’s family pays for the engagement party and/or rehearsal dinner but the bride’s family will cover the rest of the wedding. 

The wedding etiquette guide to who pays for the wedding with traditional and modern budget breakdowns

To help you get started on sorting your wedding budget, you should head to our wedding budget breakdown. This will help you work out what percentage of your budget you’re spending on each element of the wedding from your venue to your catering. Once you have this, you can keep track of it all using our wedding budget spreadsheet, which you can share with any parents who can use that as a basis to offer what they’d like to contribute towards, if at all.