How To Manage Children At Weddings
Photography by Ellen Sear PhotographyKids at weddings…sounds stressful and chaotic. But it doesn’t have to be! We’ve put together the ultimate guide on how to manage children at weddings where we discuss whether inviting children to your wedding is the right thing to do for you. If you decide you do want kids attending, we also dive into how to word this on your wedding invitations, our top tips for managing children at weddings (although we know not many kids like to follow the rules) as well as ideas on how to involve them in your wedding day if you want to make them feel like an important part of your day. This article is written for the parents of any kids attending weddings too! We’ve included all our advice and etiquette guidance for bringing your children to a wedding complete with a handy checklist. Let’s get into it!
Our top tips for managing children at weddings with guidance on etiquette
Should you invite children to your wedding?
The answer to this question is a little bit more complex than a simple yes or no. There are a few factors you’ll have to consider before deciding this.
- Budget - Although some venues or caterers offer discounts on children’s meals, it still is another expense that can alter the total cost of your wedding significantly and you may not be in a position to spend more.
- Unpredictability - If your wedding is going to be formal or luxe, then opting for an adult-only mature wedding may be the better option. Kids are going to run around, be loud and often cause some kind of chaos. So, it depends on the atmosphere you’re going for.
- Other Guests - A wedding is usually one big party that often comes with lots of dancing and alcohol but it can be harder to manage when there are cranky kids, nappies that need tending to, and tears. Your guests (and the parents of the kids) will enjoy the day and be able to let their hair down fully knowing their kids are safely at home being looked after.
- Venue - Capacity may be an issue for you. Some venues have limited capacity, may not have appropriate accommodation and some may not allow children at all.
- Destination Weddings - Destination weddings are something a lot harder altogether. Some guests may not want to travel far with their children and other guests that don’t have children may have their own experience disrupted by other’s children.
- Invitations - Be prepared to receive a few more declined invitations if you decide to opt for no kids allowed as some parents may not be able to arrange childcare etc.
When it comes to inviting kids to weddings it’s best to stick with either all kids invited or none at all. This is to avoid unnecessary complaints from guests but, of course, there are exceptions to this. At the same time, you don’t want your wedding day to be completely overrun by kids! This is your day! Plus, if everyone brings their kids, no one will be able to really let their hair down. So, we recommend only inviting children of your immediate family or the wedding party.
Remember, the number of children and their ages can really change the tone of the day so it's worth thinking about this really carefully.
Top Tip
It could be helpful to put guests with young children in touch with one another so parents can go in together on the cost of a babysitter.
What to write on your wedding invitations if you’re inviting kids
Firstly, we recommend taking a look at our wedding invitation wording article for all the top tips but we’ve included a few here you might find useful. When it comes to weddings that go by cost-per-head, it’s important that you’re very specific on your wedding invitations.
You address the invite to ‘Mr X & Mrs X + Family’, but this does leave it open to some interpretation which can mean some unexpected guests turning up on the day (you didn’t specify which family members after all!).
Standard wedding invitation etiquette means inviting children by name, on the same invitation as their parents. The invitation is also a great opportunity to get your requests in, with some gentle reminders on what you can expect from your little guests. Make it clear if parents have to take their children out during any part – explain you appreciate their attendance and this will only help you make it an extra special day. Some couples even go as far as to set a bedtime for children on the invite, to save them from seeing any embarrassing adult behaviour later in the evening!
Top Tips For Managing Children At Weddings
1. practice Makes Perfect
Make sure any kids who will have a part or job on the day attend the wedding rehearsal so they (and you) feel prepared. Actually being at the venue can help the kids feel less anxious and not panic when it comes to the actual big day. For flower girls and page boys, have them practice walking down the aisle until they feel comfortable. Even the most outgoing children can get suddenly shy when put on the spot.
2. Safety In Numbers
It might be better to get older siblings, an adult or have a group of children walk down the aisle together. In the same way, wedding readings or songs can also be done as a group if the children are shy or nervous.
3. Expect The Unexpected
As much as you rehearse or practice, you can’t get flustered or irritated if things go wrong on the day. If the little ones get stage fright or decide last minute they no longer want to walk down the aisle, just be ready with a plan B or a compromise that works for everyone. Small children can’t be expected to just perform on cue! The same applies to kids' outfits! We all know a toddler that likes to just strip off. Make sure flower girls, page boys, and ring bearers are in comfortable and age-appropriate outfits so they feel comfortable.
4. Kid-Friendly Details
Making sure there are kid-friendly options on the menu is obvious! It’s often less expensive anyway! The wedding breakfast will be the hardest part as the kids are expected to sit still for a long time and may feel left out or like they’re not getting the attention they deserve. Be sure to provide them with some entertainment here. Whether you sit them with their parents and offer some colouring or sticker books or create a giant kids table where they can all sit together and have fun. In the same way, kids' wedding favours like bags of sweeties and games, are a great way to keep them entertained for a bit. Avoid anything like markers that could cause damage though!
5. Entertainment Ideas
We have a whole article with 17 different ideas to help keep kids entertained but here are a few we wanted to mention. First off, you could hire a babysitter or childminder to keep some children occupied during the reception/evening. Some venues have a creche or area where the kids could stay separately from the main events. Here, you could book an entertainer like a magician or comedian or arrange to put on a movie. You could create activity tables with non-messy things to create as well as board games, toys or even a pinata.
Top Tip
Set a 'Head to Bed' time. Arrange with the parents and/or the babysitter when the children will make their exit and adult time will begin.
6 Ways to Involve Children In Your Wedding
Before you start, you really need to think through how the day is going to flow, how involved you want the children to be, and what kind of day you want it to be for them. Consider their ages and expectations, and their parents' opinions before making a firm decision on involving the kids in the wedding. Do you want to have children at the ceremony, the reception or both? It's important to think it all through and plan the details carefully, so the day is stress-free and fun for everyone (kids, parents and other guests too!).
- Have children perform a wedding reading during the ceremony - We have a whole roundup of wedding readings for children if you need some inspiration.
- Some older or outgoing children might be up for a song - Having children singing at the wedding can be so special and emotional.
- Hand out wedding programmes/order of the day - Handing out the order of the day or service cards is usually the job of the ushers or groomsmen but kids love to help and this can be so sweet.
- Confetti masters - If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that kids LOVE confetti. Putting them in charge of handing out confetti is a dream job for any child.
- Give them a shout-out - Asking the officiant/priest to mention the kids' names during the ceremony or in any of the wedding speeches can make the children feel extra special and appreciated.
- Flower girls, ring bearers, page boys - Giving a more formal role to kids is also a lovely way to show how important these children are to the couple. Don’t forget to take into account the ages of the kids and if they need any help!
Top Tips and Etiquette Guide For The Parents
If your child is invited to a wedding there are a few things you should think about and do to be prepared. Ultimately, it’s down to you as the children’s parents to keep your kids happy and entertained, not the couple getting married! They have enough on their plate with all the wedding planning, so don’t cause extra work for them. Remember, it’s about them on their wedding day, not you. If you are lucky enough to go to a wedding decked out with lots to entertain the kids, then be grateful, and don’t forget to thank the couple for going above and beyond and being so thoughtful.
Firstly, even if your child is invited to a wedding you might not want them to come along. Here are a few questions you should think about before deciding to bring your child to the wedding.
- Is the wedding very formal or luxe?
- What are the timings of the wedding day and how does that affect your child’s schedule/routine?
- Will you be able to actually enjoy the wedding with your child?
- Are you feeling nervous or anxious about bringing them with you or would it feel worse leaving them with a babysitter?
- How is your child’s disposition?
Thinking about these questions, you should consider either declining the invitation altogether, accepting on your behalf but agreeing to leave the child at home or going with your whole little family!
At the wedding, not all couples will make sure there are activity tables, kid’s fun packs, childcare, or kid-friendly food so be prepared. These are all the things you’ll have to think about:
- Your pushchair/stroller
- Entertainment (iPad, colouring books, toys)
- Snacks (you might also want to bring a meal if they’re extra fussy)
- Nappy bag
- Extra clothes (for any messes, pyjamas for the evening time and something comfortable after pictures if their daytime outfit isn’t comfortable)
- High chair (if this is something you require make sure to note in on the RSVP, it still isn’t guaranteed though!)
- Take an aisle seat for the ceremony (so you can easily slip out if needed)
- Get familiar with the venue and the order of the day timeline to feel more prepared
Ultimately, have fun, try to relax, and if you can, boogie the night away so you and your child can both get a good night’s sleep! The couple have invited you and want you there so don’t feel bad about any tears or times you have to run out during the speeches or ceremony. Just be considerate!
Everything you need to consider when having children at your wedding
Hopefully, after reading this you feel like you know how to manage children at weddings whether you’re a parent attending a wedding or you’re the bride or groom planning on inviting kids to your special day. Don’t forget to also head to our how to entertain kids at weddings article. If you’ve read all this and decided that perhaps inviting children to your wedding isn’t for you, then you can take a look at our how to say no kids at wedding article for help with getting the wording just right.
